PHARMACIST AND AUTHOR.
ABOUT LANCE CARNEY
Pharmacist. Father. Author.
Lance Carney is an award-winning 30+ year hospital pharmacist (5 year award, 10 year award, 15 …). He has been writing medical/pharmacy based fiction since the 1980s. His first novel, Ripped Tide: A Daniel O’Dwyer Oak Island Adventure, follows a hospital pharmacist who reluctantly goes undercover to fight prescription drug diversion in a hospital near his new home. Ripped Tide is a 2017 McGrath House Indie Book Award Winner in the Humor Category. His second novel, No Egrets: A Glenn and Glenda Oak Island Mystery, teams Daniel with husband and wife bar owners to solve a medical mystery. Mantis Preying: A Daniel O'Dwyer Oak Island Adventure picks up post-Ripped Tide. Of Vamps and Vampiros: A Finnian O'Dwyer Universal City Crime Cape(r) follows Daniel's grandfather Finnian on the set of "Dracula" in 1930. His and Herons: A Glenn and Glenda Oak Island Mystery returns to the No Egrets bar for more mysterious shenanigans.
Lance’s short stories have been published in magazines, anthologies and trade paperbacks. He often collaborates with David Moss, a buddy since junior high school. David is mostly grown up now, working for state government and having every holiday off, including Peter Rabbit's birthday. “Truth is Stranger than Fishin'" with David was chosen for publication in The Year's Best Fantastic Fiction. One of Lance's own, "Snare of the Fowler", was published in the trade paperback "Monsters from Memphis" and recognized by a nomination from the Darrell Awards Jury for Best Midsouth Short Story.
Lance lives in West Virginia with his wife and rescue dog Lucy. His daughter graduated from UNC-Wilmington in 2017 in film studies and is currently in Los Angeles working for Walt Disney Animation. His son graduated from Mississippi State University College of Veterinary Medicine in 2018 and is practicing in Fairfax, Va. Somehow, at times, they still manage to throw the empty nest into turmoil. He escapes to Oak Island, North Carolina, whenever The Man isn’t keeping him down.
WHAT PEOPLE ARE SAYING ABOUT CARNEY...
“He smells a bit, but he has a heart of gold.”
"When I see the name "Lance Carney " on a book's by-line, I've come to learn that I'm in for an enjoyable read.'"
- L.F. Falconer, Author of “The Legacy of Skur”
"Lance Carney is an American writer who is carving himself a niche for medical mysteries."
- John Martin, Author of “Major B.S.”
"...reminds me of the style of writing of Carl Hiaasen and John D. MacDonald's Travis McGee series."
-Janet Matthews, Amazon.com
“Hello, I’m a pharmacist. Perhaps I can be of assistance.”
Ripped Current - A Daniel O'Dwyer Oak Island Adventure (Oak Island Series Book 5)
Watch out for that…Pom-A-Weenie? The return of Daniel O’Dwyer!
Ripped from the current headlines, Daniel O’ Dwyer is doing his best to survive on his Oak Island paradise during these unprecedented times; through this uncharted territory; in the midst of these seismic events… The pharmacy director at Boiling Grove Community Hospital dies at his desk, leading Daniel back to the hospital, the last place he wants to be. At first, the death seems natural, but with the aid of deceased sovereign Charlemagne, King of the Franks, Daniel discovers more than he bargained for.
Meanwhile, Daniel’s germophobe sidekick, Willie, invents a unique way to socially distance and still carry on a conversation. Will this be helpful to Daniel or just an annoying hindrance that makes him want to scream at the top of his lungs? And what happened to his girlfriend Jaclyn? It seems she left town and left him to wallow in self-pity, loneliness, and Fat Tire Amber Ale. But his time is soon filled with a new female—a Pom-A-Weenie named Lucy—and a young neighbor boy whose mother is seriously ill.
Will Daniel (and King Charlemagne) discover the truth? Will Willie starve to death on the Silent Cow? Will Daniel find new romance (besides the Pom-A-Weenie)? Will Daniel (gasp) have to go back to work a third time? With old and new quirky characters, “Ripped Current” is the fifth in the Oak Island series and the third Daniel O’Dwyer adventure which began with “Ripped Tide”, a 2017 McGrath House Indie Book Award Winner in the Humor Category.
Foulmire Institute for the Clinically Insane
From the author of Ripped Tide comes a whodunit tale of supernatural suspense. An asylum in the 1970s. It's bad enough the mental patients are spurned, forgotten, unloved, but for decades many have died under mysterious circumstances. Now one patient is brutally murdered. Who did it? A staff member, patient or outsider? A psychotic killer once roamed the halls, but he is long gone. Or is he? One man's dreams and visions unravel the truth as his own sanity unravels along with it. Once you enter the Foulmire Institute for the Clinically Insane, you may not make it back out.
WHAT PEOPLE ARE SAYING
Chillingly good! Reading this brought me back to why I became an instant fan of Lance Carney's works in the first place. Excellent page-turning suspense! -LF Falconer author of The Star Catcher
His and Herons: A Glenn and Glenda Oak Island Mystery (Oak Island Series Book 4)
The quirky local patrons and owners of No Egrets are back, ready to solve another Oak Island mystery or two (or three). The long-awaited fourth book in the humorous Oak Island series!
When Glenn buys an antique medicine cabinet and moves it beside the Wurlitzer at No Egrets (much to Glenda’s chagrin), he is surprised when a black notebook falls out from behind the middle drawer. Upon further inspection, he finds a small metal box Velcroed to the side of the drawer. The notebook contains chemical structures and the results from experiments; the box contains trinkets including a gold tooth. The notebook takes Glenn down one path, over fifty years in the past, while the box leads Glenda down another in the present. Both paths lead to murder.
Meanwhile, someone is digging holes in the middle of the night all over Southport and Oak Island…
The regulars are back for more craziness—Matilda, the ancient Vespa riding barfly; Richard Crabgrass, ham actor extraordinaire; Pinhead Paul, the odiferous fish cleaner from the Southport docks. Pharmacist hero from Ripped Tide and Mantis Preying, Daniel O’Dwyer also pops in to lend his assistance to his friends. Add two new bartenders, a mysterious old hippie biker, a green anole enamored with a stuffed swordfish, an ugly black pug named Bela…and hit the button on the blender to get “His and Herons: A Glenn and Glenda Oak Island Mystery”.
WHAT PEOPLE ARE SAYING
"The gang at No Egrets becomes a team of detectives when the one of the regulars is missing and the owner installs a pink medicine cabinet in the bar. The exploits of the hilarious are reminiscent of the Three Stooges. To add to the story there is a serial murderer hanging around. Needless to say, all the plot lines intersect in a slam-bang ending. This is a good time for fans of Lance Carney’s work." -Frank S. Krol, Amazon and Goodreads
"My favorite part of these books is the character descriptions. I can just completely visualize each of them. I hope this series continues, because I feel like I'm hanging out with old friends when I read these books." -JBHK, Amazon
"Good laughs! Thank you for book four. I have had to make do with rereading Carl Hiaasen and Janet Evanovich for my humor fix. …Best wishes and keep writing." -Kah, Amazon
Demented Doctors & Demons
2020, Short Story Collection
A short story collection from Ripped Tide author Lance Carney: supernatural horror and science fiction, injected with a cc or two of humor.
A physician, kicked off the psychiatric hospital’s medical staff, creates his own museum with living specimens, including Elvis and Martin Luther King Jr….What could make matters worse for Union soldiers confined to Andersonville Prison during the Civil War—is there a demon in their midst?….A rock ‘n’ roll demon terrorizes a teenage boy with bad lyrics and Dr. Seuss’ misquotes….Two physicians practice medicine in the last years of the 21st century—and the future looks bleak….An old pharmacist kicks a stray cat outside his store and all hell breaks loose….A physician recycles more than aluminum cans….Will a cruise passenger miss the boat when he encounters a voodoo bocor on the cruise line’s “private” island?... And more.
-Downtown Memphis Psychiatric History Museum
-Rock Demon (Toxin Socks)
-Out Like a Lion
-So Let It Be Written
-Three Long Blasts
-From the Shadows
WHAT PEOPLE ARE SAYING
"The stand outs for me were the descriptive and chilling, "Out Like a Lion", and "Recycled" with its deviously clever use of concept. The one that truly haunts me though, is "Let It Be Written", one of the best end-of-life stories I've read yet."
L.F. Falconer, author of A Debt of Survival
Ripped Mantis with No Egrets: 3 Books in One! (Oak Island Series)
2020, First Three Novels in Oak Island Series
This bargain-priced volume contains the first three books in the humorous Oak Island series!
Ripped Tide: A Daniel O’Dwyer Oak Island Adventure (2017 McGrath House Indie Book Award Winner in the Humor Category)
No Egrets: A Glenn and Glenda Oak Island Mystery
Mantis Preying: A Daniel O’Dwyer Oak Island Adventure
Over 300 reviews with an average of 4.5 stars!
Follow Daniel O’Dwyer as he moves to Oak Island, North Carolina and weaves his way undercover to combat narcotic drug diversion; as he ends up at the No Egrets bar to help owners Glenn and Glenda solve a medical mystery; and finally grapples with a haunted houseboat plus the mystery of human remains unearthed beneath the hospital parking lot.
Praise for the Oak Island Series:
“Oak Island is the Margaritaville of NC: Carney's books remind me of Jimmy Buffett songs. They're filled with quirky characters, inane circumstances, some stiff drinks, and lots of good hearts that balance out the crap in the world.”
“...reminds me of the style of writing of Carl Hiaasen and John D. MacDonald's Travis McGee series.”
“My new favorite author. I love this series. There are plenty of laugh out loud moments.”
“Rx, Drugs and Rock n' Roll...a fun, breezy read.”
“Not sure why it took me so long to find out about this great book. If you like; Tim Dorsey, Carl Hiaasen, you will love this book.”
“Loved every bit of this fast moving story and the wonderful offbeat characters. It has been way too long since I had to set a book down for a minute because I was laughing too hard to read.”
“The story is riveting, the characters have distinct personalities, and the humor is flawless. I kept waking my husband up laughing and reading him bits. He was not amused at 1am.”
Come on down to Oak Island and join Daniel, Glenn, Glenda and all the other crazy locals for a toast at No Egrets. Here’s to three Oak Island books in one!
Of Vamps and Vampiros: A Finnian O'Dwyer Universal City Crime Cape(r)
Murder, mystery and comic mayhem in early Hollywood with Daniel O'Dwyer's grandfather Finnian!
As the Roaring Twenties give way to a new decade, young Irish immigrant, Finnian O’Dwyer arrives at Ellis Island and finds he is in a strange land. It gets stranger as he travels cross country to Los Angeles where he stumbles into a job at Universal City (Capital of the Film World) and into a woman’s body at the bottom of the Main Hall staircase in Castle Dracula. She has two small, round red marks on her neck.
By day, Finnian becomes assistant to Count Dracula, the one and only Bela Lugosi; at night he works on the set of the Spanish version of the same film (“Vampiro,” they whisper). Trouble swirls around Finnian like a vampire’s cape when another body is found on the set. Is the search for a Hungarian treasure map connected?
Along the way, Finnian falls for Astrid, a headstrong young girl intent on making it in Hollywood on talent alone, and is joined by Astrid’s friends, performers from the Freak Show tent at Venice Pier; LeRunt (“The French Giant!”), Blatzie (“The World’s Most Beautiful Fat Woman”) and Thaddeus (“The World’s Puniest Man”). Are the deaths at the movie studio connected? Can Finnian, Bela Lugosi, Astrid and friends solve the mystery?
Seamlessly blending suspense, romance, humor and horror, Of Vamps and Vampiros: A Finnian O’Dwyer Universal City Crime Cape(r) weaves its way through the making of a classic film during the period of The Great Depression; Prohibition; a time when Charles Lindbergh is the most famous man in the world.
WHAT PEOPLE ARE SAYING
"Regardless of your opinion of the movie DRACULA, it may change when you view it through the eyes of the innocent
Finnian, who sees the movie when it is finished. OF VAMPS AND VAMPIROS is a very enjoyable read." -Frank J. Dello Stritto, Cult Movies Press Owner, Co-Author of Vampire Over London-Bela Lugosi in Britian and Author of A Werewolf Remembers-The Testament of Lawrence Stewart Talbot.
"The curse of the armadillo! Every couple of chapters I had to stop to double-check that I wasn't reading a Moore novel. This historical fiction had an Easy Flow to it and was easy to get from beginning to end. …Waiting for his next book to arrive." -Bruce Eichhorst, Amazon
"Batty for Vamps and Vampiros! In this historical fiction we set the stage with Universal Studios in the early 30's during the filming of Dracula featuring Bella Lugosi. The first thing to mention is the colorful characters and their quirkiness. Throw in an ancient map, a dead body and a menagerie of animals that make for some funny lines that will have you chuckling along. The story had the right mix of scenes from bloody fights, sweet kisses from a pretty lady, circus performers, medicine man with his horse drawn cart.... is your interest perked yet? Enjoy! This was Good Reading!" -Maggiesdaisy, Amazon
True Wit - Stories by Humor Writers From Around the Globe
2019, Short Story Collection Various Authors
Seven twisted voices, seven outrageous stories.True Wit is a beach-ready collection of off-kilter tales from seven of today’s most original humorous authors from around the globe. Includes exclusive story from Lance Carney: The Fish is Back! A Pinhead Paul Southport Short Story. A strange lizardfish, stolen diamonds, a tree hugging thug, and a hurricane--it's up to the pungent fish cleaner from the Southport docks, Pinhead Paul to save the day!
With clever contributions from award-winning and popular authors Mark Cain, Lance Carney, Bill Cokas, Rob Johnson, John Martin, John Parrot and Lisa Shiroff, this contemporary volume of lighthearted fiction will provide hours of memorable entertainment.
As a bonus, each story is followed by an excerpt of a full-length work by each author.
Mantis Preying- A Daniel O'Dwyer Oak Island Adventure (Oak Island Series Book 3) Audiobook
2019, Audiobook Narrated by Rudy Sanda
Ripped Tide - A Daniel O'Dwyer Oak Island Adventure (Oak Island Series Book 1) Audiobook
2019, Audiobook Narrated by Rudy Sanda
Mantis Preying - A Daniel O'Dwyer Oak Island Adventure (Oak Island Series Book 3)
The return of Rx-Dick!
Daniel O’Dwyer, ex-hospital pharmacist, accidental detective is back. Content to be unemployed and spend his days in the sun and sand of his Oak Island paradise, Daniel is once again drawn back to the local hospital and the mysteries that surround it. Construction on the hospital grounds unearths human remains, which are quickly dismissed as being part of a Native American burial ground. A young, clumsy medical resident who runs into Daniel, thinks otherwise. Meanwhile, Daniel’s socially imbalanced sidekick, Willie, has a problem of his own. Willie’s landlocked houseboat, the Silent Cow is haunted.
Along the way, Daniel becomes involved with a beautiful veterinarian, assisting with a drug diversion problem in her office; a beautiful Amazonian female construction foreman, a yodeler and jammer on the local roller derby team; and a beautiful, deadly peacock mantis shrimp.
Will Daniel become ensnared in the mystery of the human remains? Will Willie succeed in getting the Silent Cow exorcised? Will Daniel (gasp) have to go back to work? Will the peacock mantis shrimp break through the glass and run amok through the hospital halls?
Loaded with new, quirky characters, “Mantis Preying” is a follow up to “Ripped Tide”, a 2017 McGrath House Indie Book Award Winner in the Humor Category.
WHAT PEOPLE ARE SAYING
“My new favorite author! I love this series. There are plenty of laugh out loud moments. …I can't wait for the next book by this talented and quirky author. Love Lance Carney!” Bluesdiva, Amazon
“Enjoyed his first two books, now reading third book, Mantis Preying. His books keep getting better. They are peppered with humor and odd characters. Reminds me of Carl Hiaasen or the old Travis McGee series by John MacDonald.” Marty, Amazon
“I give Mantis Preying 5 stars because I just kept laughing out loud. Reading this book is like laying languid on a beach, dozing off, and waking up smiling about great memories of your high school years.” Whelan Woman, Amazon
“Lance Carney never disappoints! Great escape from life's problems! Fun characters and plenty of laughs...more books like these.. please…” Donna, Amazon
“Enjoyed it immensely. I particularly like the author doesn’t let little things like plot and such interfere with asides and digressions which are inherently more interesting. Douglas Adams type of writing. (Which is a huge compliment)” Jeff, Amazon
No Egrets - A Glenn and Glenda Oak Island Mystery (Oak Island Series Book 2)
Sometimes it takes a village to solve a mystery (or at least the local patrons and owners of No Egrets).
One of the regulars, Bobby Portis, has been missing from his barstool at No Egrets for several days. Two others quickly contract mysterious blood diseases. Is there a connection?
No Egrets, a quaint bar on Oak Island, North Carolina, is owned by Glenn, a surgeon lured away from the medical field by a swordfish and island life, and his wife Glenda. They join their bar patrons in a search for Bobby and the mystery of the sudden illnesses.
“No Egrets: A Glenn and Glenda Oak Island Mystery” has more twists and turns than a small intestine.
The crazy characters include Matilda, an ancient barfly who travels the island on a dilapidated Vespa and has a different drink for each day of the week…a psychotic, card-carrying Communist goon named Otto…Richard Crabgrass, a never-say-die bit actor who auditions for every movie and television part in Wilmington…the pungent fish cleaner from the Southport docks, Pinhead Paul…Joshua “Ism” McCarthy, surfer dude rumored to turn into his ancestor, Senator Joe McCarthy if a communist sets foot on Oak Island…and Daniel O’Dwyer, pharmacist hero from “Ripped Tide”.
WHAT PEOPLE ARE SAYING
"A great read, easy to pick up after a long day at work. Good mix of humor and suspense." - Nathan H. Kahn, Amazon
"Another hit for Lance Carney." - Patti Gardner, Amazon
"It could easily be a dark subject but Carney lightens it with humour, a cast of both loving and eccentric characters, and a storyline that has you barracking for the good guys to take down the bad guys. It's easy to find yourself immersed in Carney's scenes and imagine nursing a drink while sitting in the bar where mostly good things happen, or sitting in the oncologist's waiting room amid all the despair." - John Martin
Ripped Tide - A Daniel O'Dwyer Oak Island Adventure (Oak Island Series Book 1)
After the death of his fiancée due to medical errors, hospital pharmacist Daniel O’ Dwyer escapes to Oak Island, North Carolina. The only things on his mind are fresh sea air, fresh seafood, Fat Tire Amber Ale, and the avoidance of any type of healthcare institution. But fate and jellyfish draw him back, and reluctantly he agrees to go undercover to combat narcotic drug diversion at nearby Boiling Grove Community Hospital. With minimal assistance from Willie, his socially imbalanced sidekick, Daniel must navigate through dangerous situations and wild characters, including a brawny redneck with a Bob Marley tattoo; a foreign physician with bat-like qualities; and a lackluster Human Resources Director with a penchant for Mai Tais and Ebenezer Scrooge.
Ripped Tide: A Daniel O’Dwyer Oak Island Adventure is a humorous take on a very serious issue.
Ripped Tide is a 2017 McGrath House Indie Book Award Winner in the Humor Category.
WHAT PEOPLE ARE SAYING
"Rx, Drugs and Rock n' Roll...a fun, breezy read." - Christy Perry Tuohey, author of “Panther Mountain: Caroline's Story”
"Strong, quirky characters abound... Can’t wait until Daniel O’Dwyer’s next adventure." - John Martin
"Without a hard-boiled detective to lead the way, this whodunit is a refreshing detour from the ordinary and is sure to elicit a few smiles and chuckles along the way. Though I've never been to the North Carolina coast, I often felt quite at home. I look forward to discovering what lurks next in Daniel O'Dwyer's future." - L.F. Falconer
“Laid-back, wisecracking narrator weaves a deftly told mystery on the NC coast.”
- Bill Cokas, Author of “Ring of Fire”
Pirates for a Day
2014, Short Story
Winter in Chicago has been particularly brutal this year and it’s only March. An unlikely band of wannabe Buccaneer misfits decide to exchange cabin fever for beach fever and head south. What follows is a comedic quest for warmth, camaraderie, Spiritus Fermenti, golf and self. A short story by David Moss and Lance Carney
Fin & Tonic, Talon & Tombstone
2013, Short Story Collection
This collection of 13 short stories mixes suspense, science fiction, and horror into a nice cocktail, garnished with occasional humor. An Apothecary werewolf tries desperately to find a cure; hellhounds invade the old west; Physicians and Biotechnology Engineers Gone Wild; monsters in Memphis and on your windowsill; icy terror for Arctic explorers; the pizza man and an alien meet their match.
Articles, Q&A's, and More!
Lance Carney © 2016