PHARMACIST AND AUTHOR.
The latest from Lance Carney
ABOUT LANCE CARNEY
Pharmacist. Father. Author.
WHAT PEOPLE ARE SAYING ABOUT CARNEY...
“He smells a bit, but he has a heart of gold.”
"When I see the name "Lance Carney " on a book's by-line, I've come to learn that I'm in for an enjoyable read.'"
- L.F. Falconer, Author of “The Legacy of Skur”
"Lance Carney is an American writer who is carving himself a niche for medical mysteries."
- John Martin, Author of “Major B.S.”
"...reminds me of the style of writing of Carl Hiaasen and John D. MacDonald's Travis McGee series."
-Janet Matthews, Amazon.com
“Hello, I’m a pharmacist. Perhaps I can be of assistance.”
Demented Doctors & Demons
2020, Short Story Collection
A short story collection from Ripped Tide author Lance Carney: supernatural horror and science fiction, injected with a cc or two of humor.
A physician, kicked off the psychiatric hospital’s medical staff, creates his own museum with living specimens, including Elvis and Martin Luther King Jr….What could make matters worse for Union soldiers confined to Andersonville Prison during the Civil War—is there a demon in their midst?….A rock ‘n’ roll demon terrorizes a teenage boy with bad lyrics and Dr. Seuss’ misquotes….Two physicians practice medicine in the last years of the 21st century—and the future looks bleak….An old pharmacist kicks a stray cat outside his store and all hell breaks loose….A physician recycles more than aluminum cans….Will a cruise passenger miss the boat when he encounters a voodoo bocor on the cruise line’s “private” island?... And more.
-Downtown Memphis Psychiatric History Museum
-Rock Demon (Toxin Socks)
-Out Like a Lion
-So Let It Be Written
-Three Long Blasts
-From the Shadows
WHAT PEOPLE ARE SAYING
"The stand outs for me were the descriptive and chilling, "Out Like a Lion", and "Recycled" with its deviously clever use of concept. The one that truly haunts me though, is "Let It Be Written", one of the best end-of-life stories I've read yet."
L.F. Falconer, author of A Debt of Survival
Ripped Mantis with No Egrets: 3 Books in One! (Oak Island Series)
2020, First Three Novels in Oak Island Series
This bargain-priced volume contains the first three books in the humorous Oak Island series!
Ripped Tide: A Daniel O’Dwyer Oak Island Adventure (2017 McGrath House Indie Book Award Winner in the Humor Category)
No Egrets: A Glenn and Glenda Oak Island Mystery
Mantis Preying: A Daniel O’Dwyer Oak Island Adventure
Over 300 reviews with an average of 4.5 stars!
Follow Daniel O’Dwyer as he moves to Oak Island, North Carolina and weaves his way undercover to combat narcotic drug diversion; as he ends up at the No Egrets bar to help owners Glenn and Glenda solve a medical mystery; and finally grapples with a haunted houseboat plus the mystery of human remains unearthed beneath the hospital parking lot.
Praise for the Oak Island Series:
“Oak Island is the Margaritaville of NC: Carney's books remind me of Jimmy Buffett songs. They're filled with quirky characters, inane circumstances, some stiff drinks, and lots of good hearts that balance out the crap in the world.”
“...reminds me of the style of writing of Carl Hiaasen and John D. MacDonald's Travis McGee series.”
“My new favorite author. I love this series. There are plenty of laugh out loud moments.”
“Rx, Drugs and Rock n' Roll...a fun, breezy read.”
“Not sure why it took me so long to find out about this great book. If you like; Tim Dorsey, Carl Hiaasen, you will love this book.”
“Loved every bit of this fast moving story and the wonderful offbeat characters. It has been way too long since I had to set a book down for a minute because I was laughing too hard to read.”
“The story is riveting, the characters have distinct personalities, and the humor is flawless. I kept waking my husband up laughing and reading him bits. He was not amused at 1am.”
Come on down to Oak Island and join Daniel, Glenn, Glenda and all the other crazy locals for a toast at No Egrets. Here’s to three Oak Island books in one!
Of Vamps and Vampiros: A Finnian O'Dwyer Universal City Crime Cape(r)
Ah, to have been a fly on the wall during the filming of the original Dracula. Or not… (Scene cuts to Castle Dracula where Renfield snatches the fat, juicy fly from the wall and plops it into his mouth.)
The year 1930 is a mix of the good and bad of life in the United States. Families are struggling through the Great Depression; people are grumbling about Prohibition; an American, Charles Lindbergh is the most famous man in the world; and the Golden Age of Hollywood is in its infancy. In a movie studio in California, a film genre is about to debut which will give new nighttime frights to children and adults.
On the other side of the country, an Irishman arrives at Ellis Island. Finnian O’Dwyer soon travels cross country to Los Angeles where he stumbles into a job at Universal City (Capital of the Film World) and into a woman’s body at the bottom of the Main Hall staircase in Castle Dracula. She has two small, round red marks on her neck.
“The spider spinning his web for the unwary fly. The blood is the life, Mr. Renfield.” Trouble swirls around Finnian like Count Dracula’s cape when another body is found on the set of Dracula. Is the search for a Hungarian treasure map connected?
Joining Finnian in this crime cape(r) is none other than the Count, Bela Lugosi, fresh from his run on the stage in the “Dracula” play and poised to explode to international stardom. Finnian also teams with Astrid, a headstrong young girl intent on making it in Hollywood on talent alone, and Astrid’s friends from the Freak Show tent at Venice Pier; LeRunt (“The French Giant!”), Blatzie (“The World’s Most Beautiful Fat Woman”) and Thaddeus (“The World’s Puniest Man”). Van Helsing is present in one form or another, and what does Lon Chaney’s makeup case have to do with the price of eggs (in Transylvania)?
With frequent appearances by the Universal Studio Head and the Dracula director, “Of Vamps and Vampiros” is a humorous romp through the making of Tod Browning’s Dracula and George Melford’s Spanish Drácula.
True Wit - Stories by Humor Writers From Around the Globe
2019, Short Story Collection Various Authors
Mantis Preying- A Daniel O'Dwyer Oak Island Adventure (Oak Island Series Book 3) Audiobook
2019, Audiobook Narrated by Rudy Sanda
Ripped Tide - A Daniel O'Dwyer Oak Island Adventure (Oak Island Series Book 1) Audiobook
2019, Audiobook Narrated by Rudy Sanda
Mantis Preying - A Daniel O'Dwyer Oak Island Adventure (Oak Island Series Book 3)
The return of Rx-Dick!
Daniel O’Dwyer, ex-hospital pharmacist, accidental detective is back. Content to be unemployed and spend his days in the sun and sand of his Oak Island paradise, Daniel is once again drawn back to the local hospital and the mysteries that surround it. Construction on the hospital grounds unearths human remains, which are quickly dismissed as being part of a Native American burial ground. A young, clumsy medical resident who runs into Daniel, thinks otherwise. Meanwhile, Daniel’s socially imbalanced sidekick, Willie, has a problem of his own. Willie’s landlocked houseboat, the Silent Cow is haunted.
Along the way, Daniel becomes involved with a beautiful veterinarian, assisting with a drug diversion problem in her office; a beautiful Amazonian female construction foreman, a yodeler and jammer on the local roller derby team; and a beautiful, deadly peacock mantis shrimp.
Will Daniel become ensnared in the mystery of the human remains? Will Willie succeed in getting the Silent Cow exorcised? Will Daniel (gasp) have to go back to work? Will the peacock mantis shrimp break through the glass and run amok through the hospital halls?
Loaded with new, quirky characters, “Mantis Preying” is a follow up to “Ripped Tide”, a 2017 McGrath House Indie Book Award Winner in the Humor Category.
WHAT PEOPLE ARE SAYING
“My new favorite author! I love this series. There are plenty of laugh out loud moments. …I can't wait for the next book by this talented and quirky author. Love Lance Carney!” Bluesdiva, Amazon
“Enjoyed his first two books, now reading third book, Mantis Preying. His books keep getting better. They are peppered with humor and odd characters. Reminds me of Carl Hiaasen or the old Travis McGee series by John MacDonald.” Marty, Amazon
“I give Mantis Preying 5 stars because I just kept laughing out loud. Reading this book is like laying languid on a beach, dozing off, and waking up smiling about great memories of your high school years.” Whelan Woman, Amazon
“Lance Carney never disappoints! Great escape from life's problems! Fun characters and plenty of laughs...more books like these.. please…” Donna, Amazon
“Enjoyed it immensely. I particularly like the author doesn’t let little things like plot and such interfere with asides and digressions which are inherently more interesting. Douglas Adams type of writing. (Which is a huge compliment)” Jeff, Amazon
No Egrets - A Glenn and Glenda Oak Island Mystery (Oak Island Series Book 2)
Sometimes it takes a village to solve a mystery (or at least the local patrons and owners of No Egrets).
One of the regulars, Bobby Portis, has been missing from his barstool at No Egrets for several days. Two others quickly contract mysterious blood diseases. Is there a connection?
No Egrets, a quaint bar on Oak Island, North Carolina, is owned by Glenn, a surgeon lured away from the medical field by a swordfish and island life, and his wife Glenda. They join their bar patrons in a search for Bobby and the mystery of the sudden illnesses.
“No Egrets: A Glenn and Glenda Oak Island Mystery” has more twists and turns than a small intestine.
The crazy characters include Matilda, an ancient barfly who travels the island on a dilapidated Vespa and has a different drink for each day of the week…a psychotic, card-carrying Communist goon named Otto…Richard Crabgrass, a never-say-die bit actor who auditions for every movie and television part in Wilmington…the pungent fish cleaner from the Southport docks, Pinhead Paul…Joshua “Ism” McCarthy, surfer dude rumored to turn into his ancestor, Senator Joe McCarthy if a communist sets foot on Oak Island…and Daniel O’Dwyer, pharmacist hero from “Ripped Tide”.
WHAT PEOPLE ARE SAYING
"A great read, easy to pick up after a long day at work. Good mix of humor and suspense." - Nathan H. Kahn, Amazon
"Another hit for Lance Carney." - Patti Gardner, Amazon
"It could easily be a dark subject but Carney lightens it with humour, a cast of both loving and eccentric characters, and a storyline that has you barracking for the good guys to take down the bad guys. It's easy to find yourself immersed in Carney's scenes and imagine nursing a drink while sitting in the bar where mostly good things happen, or sitting in the oncologist's waiting room amid all the despair." - John Martin
Ripped Tide - A Daniel O'Dwyer Oak Island Adventure (Oak Island Series Book 1)
After the death of his fiancée due to medical errors, hospital pharmacist Daniel O’ Dwyer escapes to Oak Island, North Carolina. The only things on his mind are fresh sea air, fresh seafood, Fat Tire Amber Ale, and the avoidance of any type of healthcare institution. But fate and jellyfish draw him back, and reluctantly he agrees to go undercover to combat narcotic drug diversion at nearby Boiling Grove Community Hospital. With minimal assistance from Willie, his socially imbalanced sidekick, Daniel must navigate through dangerous situations and wild characters, including a brawny redneck with a Bob Marley tattoo; a foreign physician with bat-like qualities; and a lackluster Human Resources Director with a penchant for Mai Tais and Ebenezer Scrooge.
Ripped Tide: A Daniel O’Dwyer Oak Island Adventure is a humorous take on a very serious issue.
Ripped Tide is a 2017 McGrath House Indie Book Award Winner in the Humor Category.
WHAT PEOPLE ARE SAYING
"Rx, Drugs and Rock n' Roll...a fun, breezy read." - Christy Perry Tuohey, author of “Panther Mountain: Caroline's Story”
"Strong, quirky characters abound... Can’t wait until Daniel O’Dwyer’s next adventure." - John Martin
"Without a hard-boiled detective to lead the way, this whodunit is a refreshing detour from the ordinary and is sure to elicit a few smiles and chuckles along the way. Though I've never been to the North Carolina coast, I often felt quite at home. I look forward to discovering what lurks next in Daniel O'Dwyer's future." - L.F. Falconer
“Laid-back, wisecracking narrator weaves a deftly told mystery on the NC coast.”
- Bill Cokas, Author of “Ring of Fire”
Pirates for a Day
2014, Short Story
Winter in Chicago has been particularly brutal this year and it’s only March. An unlikely band of wannabe Buccaneer misfits decide to exchange cabin fever for beach fever and head south. What follows is a comedic quest for warmth, camaraderie, Spiritus Fermenti, golf and self. A short story by David Moss and Lance Carney
Fin & Tonic, Talon & Tombstone
2013, Short Story Collection
This collection of 13 short stories mixes suspense, science fiction, and horror into a nice cocktail, garnished with occasional humor. An Apothecary werewolf tries desperately to find a cure; hellhounds invade the old west; Physicians and Biotechnology Engineers Gone Wild; monsters in Memphis and on your windowsill; icy terror for Arctic explorers; the pizza man and an alien meet their match.
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Lance Carney © 2016