• LANCE CARNEY

    PHARMACIST AND AUTHOR.

  • News

    The latest from Lance Carney

    A little scary. A lot of fun! Join Daniel O'Dwyer's grandfather Finnian on a humorous crime cape(r) on the set of the original "Dracula" in 1930. Finnian stumbles upon the body of a woman (the Vamp!) at the bottom of the staircase in the Main Hall of Castle Dracula. She has two round, red marks...
    True Wit is a beach-ready collection of off kilter tales from seven of today's most original humorous authors from around the globe. Includes an exclusive story from Lance Carney: The Fish is Back! A Pinhead Paul Southport Short Story. Available on Amazon, Apple, Barnes & Noble and Kobo.
    (In spite of efforts to shut him up) Daniel O'Dwyer speaks again! Produced by Tantor Media and narrated by Rudy Sanda. Available on Audible (Amazon), iTunes, Google, Audiobooks.com, Kobo, Findaway and in libraries.
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  • ABOUT LANCE CARNEY

    Pharmacist. Father. Author.

    Lance Carney is an award winning 30+ year hospital pharmacist (5 year award, 10 year award, 15 …). He has been writing medical/pharmacy based fiction since the 1980s. His first novel, Ripped Tide: A Daniel O’Dwyer Oak Island Adventure, follows a hospital pharmacist who reluctantly goes undercover to fight prescription drug diversion in a hospital near his new home. Ripped Tide is a 2017 McGrath House Indie Book Award Winner in the Humor Category. His second novel, No Egrets: A Glenn and Glenda Oak Island Mystery, teams Daniel with husband and wife bar owners to solve a medical mystery. Mantis Preying: A Daniel O'Dwyer Oak Island Adventure picks up post-Ripped Tide. Of Vamps and Vampiros: A Finnian O'Dwyer Universal City Crime Cape(r) will be released on October 7, 2019 and follows Daniel's grandfather Finnian on the set of "Dracula" in 1930.
     
    Lance’s short stories have been published in magazines, anthologies and trade paperbacks. He often collaborates with David Moss, a buddy since junior high school. David is mostly grown up now, working for state government and having every holiday off, including Peter Rabbit's birthday. “Truth is Stranger than Fishin'" with David was chosen for publication in The Year's Best Fantastic Fiction. One of Lance's own, "Snare of the Fowler", was published in the trade paperback "Monsters from Memphis" and recognized by a nomination from the Darrell Awards Jury for Best Midsouth Short Story.
     
    Lance lives in West Virginia with his wife and the last cat standing-named #4. His daughter graduated from UNC-Wilmington in 2017 in film studies and is currently in Los Angeles working for Walt Disney Animation. His son graduated from Mississippi State University College of Veterinary Medicine in 2018 and is practicing in Fairfax, Va. Somehow, at times, they still manage to throw the empty nest into turmoil. He escapes to Oak Island, North Carolina, whenever The Man isn’t keeping him down.

     

    WHAT PEOPLE ARE SAYING ABOUT CARNEY... ​

    “He smells a bit, but he has a heart of gold.”

    - Anonymous

     

    "When I see the name "Lance Carney " on a book's by-line, I've come to learn that I'm in for an enjoyable read.'"

    - L.F. Falconer, Author of “The Legacy of Skur”

     

    "Lance Carney is an American writer who is carving himself a niche for medical mysteries."

    - John Martin, Author of “Major B.S.”

     

    "...reminds me of the style of writing of Carl Hiaasen and John D. MacDonald's Travis McGee series."

    -Janet Matthews, Amazon.com

  • Books

    “Hello, I’m a pharmacist. Perhaps I can be of assistance.”

    Of Vamps and Vampiros: A Finnian O'Dwyer Universal City Crime Cape(r)

    Novel, 2019

    Buy On Amazon

     

    Ah, to have been a fly on the wall during the filming of the original Dracula. Or not… (Scene cuts to Castle Dracula where Renfield snatches the fat, juicy fly from the wall and plops it into his mouth.)


    The year 1930 is a mix of the good and bad of life in the United States. Families are struggling through the Great Depression; people are grumbling about Prohibition; an American, Charles Lindbergh is the most famous man in the world; and the Golden Age of Hollywood is in its infancy. In a movie studio in California, a film genre is about to debut which will give new nighttime frights to children and adults.

    On the other side of the country, an Irishman arrives at Ellis Island. Finnian O’Dwyer soon travels cross country to Los Angeles where he stumbles into a job at Universal City (Capital of the Film World) and into a woman’s body at the bottom of the Main Hall staircase in Castle Dracula. She has two small, round red marks on her neck.

    The spider spinning his web for the unwary fly. The blood is the life, Mr. Renfield.” Trouble swirls around Finnian like Count Dracula’s cape when another body is found on the set of Dracula. Is the search for a Hungarian treasure map connected?

    Joining Finnian in this crime cape(r) is none other than the Count, Bela Lugosi, fresh from his run on the stage in the “Dracula” play and poised to explode to international stardom. Finnian also teams with Astrid, a headstrong young girl intent on making it in Hollywood on talent alone, and Astrid’s friends from the Freak Show tent at Venice Pier; LeRunt (“The French Giant!”), Blatzie (“The World’s Most Beautiful Fat Woman”) and Thaddeus (“The World’s Puniest Man”). Van Helsing is present in one form or another, and what does Lon Chaney’s makeup case have to do with the price of eggs (in Transylvania)?

    With frequent appearances by the Universal Studio Head and the Dracula director, “Of Vamps and Vampiros” is a humorous romp through the making of Tod Browning’s Dracula and George Melford’s Spanish Drácula.

     

    True Wit - Stories by Humor Writers From Around the Globe

    2019, Short Story Collection Various Authors

    Seven twisted voices, seven outrageous stories.True Wit is a beach-ready collection of off-kilter tales from seven of today’s most original humorous authors from around the globe. Includes exclusive story from Lance Carney: The Fish is Back! A Pinhead Paul Southport Short Story. A strange lizardfish, stolen diamonds, a tree hugging thug, and a hurricane--it's up to the pungent fish cleaner from the Southport docks, Pinhead Paul to save the day!
     
    With clever contributions from award-winning and popular authors Mark Cain, Lance Carney, Bill Cokas, Rob Johnson, John Martin, John Parrot and Lisa Shiroff, this contemporary volume of lighthearted fiction will provide hours of memorable entertainment.
     
    As a bonus, each story is followed by an excerpt of a full-length work by each author.

     

    Buy On Amazon

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    Mantis Preying- A Daniel O'Dwyer Oak Island Adventure (Oak Island Series Book 3) Audiobook

    2019, Audiobook Narrated by Rudy Sanda

    (In spite of efforts to shut him up) Daniel O'Dwyer speaks again! Produced by Tantor Media and narrated by Rudy Sanda. Available on Audible (Amazon), iTunes, Google, Audiobooks.com, Kobo, Findaway and in libraries.

     

    Buy On Amazon

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    Ripped Tide - A Daniel O'Dwyer Oak Island Adventure (Oak Island Series Book 1) Audiobook

    2019, Audiobook Narrated by Rudy Sanda

    Daniel O'Dwyer speaks! Produced by Tantor Media and narrated by Rudy Sanda. Available on Audible (Amazon), iTunes, Google, Audiobooks.com, Kobo, Findaway and in libraries.

     

    Buy On Amazon

    Buy on iTunes

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    Mantis Preying - A Daniel O'Dwyer Oak Island Adventure (Oak Island Series Book 3)

    Novel, 2018

    Buy On Amazon

     

    The return of Rx-Dick!


    Daniel O’Dwyer, ex-hospital pharmacist, accidental detective is back. Content to be unemployed and spend his days in the sun and sand of his Oak Island paradise, Daniel is once again drawn back to the local hospital and the mysteries that surround it. Construction on the hospital grounds unearths human remains, which are quickly dismissed as being part of a Native American burial ground. A young, clumsy medical resident who runs into Daniel, thinks otherwise. Meanwhile, Daniel’s socially imbalanced sidekick, Willie, has a problem of his own. Willie’s landlocked houseboat, the Silent Cow is haunted.


    Along the way, Daniel becomes involved with a beautiful veterinarian, assisting with a drug diversion problem in her office; a beautiful Amazonian female construction foreman, a yodeler and jammer on the local roller derby team; and a beautiful, deadly peacock mantis shrimp.
    Will Daniel become ensnared in the mystery of the human remains? Will Willie succeed in getting the Silent Cow exorcised? Will Daniel (gasp) have to go back to work? Will the peacock mantis shrimp break through the glass and run amok through the hospital halls?

     

    Loaded with new, quirky characters, “Mantis Preying” is a follow up to “Ripped Tide”, a 2017 McGrath House Indie Book Award Winner in the Humor Category.

     

    WHAT PEOPLE ARE SAYING

    “My new favorite author! I love this series. There are plenty of laugh out loud moments. …I can't wait for the next book by this talented and quirky author. Love Lance Carney!” Bluesdiva, Amazon

     

    “Enjoyed his first two books, now reading third book, Mantis Preying. His books keep getting better. They are peppered with humor and odd characters. Reminds me of Carl Hiaasen or the old Travis McGee series by John MacDonald.” Marty, Amazon

     

    I give Mantis Preying 5 stars because I just kept laughing out loud. Reading this book is like laying languid on a beach, dozing off, and waking up smiling about great memories of your high school years.” Whelan Woman, Amazon

     

    Lance Carney never disappoints! Great escape from life's problems! Fun characters and plenty of laughs...more books like these.. please…” Donna, Amazon

     

    “Enjoyed it immensely. I particularly like the author doesn’t let little things like plot and such interfere with asides and digressions which are inherently more interesting. Douglas Adams type of writing. (Which is a huge compliment)” Jeff, Amazon

     

    No Egrets - A Glenn and Glenda Oak Island Mystery (Oak Island Series Book 2)

    Novel, 2016

    Buy on Amazon

     

    Sometimes it takes a village to solve a mystery (or at least the local patrons and owners of No Egrets).

     

    One of the regulars, Bobby Portis, has been missing from his barstool at No Egrets for several days. Two others quickly contract mysterious blood diseases. Is there a connection?
    No Egrets, a quaint bar on Oak Island, North Carolina, is owned by Glenn, a surgeon lured away from the medical field by a swordfish and island life, and his wife Glenda. They join their bar patrons in a search for Bobby and the mystery of the sudden illnesses.


    “No Egrets: A Glenn and Glenda Oak Island Mystery” has more twists and turns than a small intestine.
    The crazy characters include Matilda, an ancient barfly who travels the island on a dilapidated Vespa and has a different drink for each day of the week…a psychotic, card-carrying Communist goon named Otto…Richard Crabgrass, a never-say-die bit actor who auditions for every movie and television part in Wilmington…the pungent fish cleaner from the Southport docks, Pinhead Paul…Joshua “Ism” McCarthy, surfer dude rumored to turn into his ancestor, Senator Joe McCarthy if a communist sets foot on Oak Island…and Daniel O’Dwyer, pharmacist hero from “Ripped Tide”.

     

    WHAT PEOPLE ARE SAYING

    "A great read, easy to pick up after a long day at work. Good mix of humor and suspense." - Nathan H. Kahn, Amazon

     

    "Another hit for Lance Carney." - Patti Gardner, Amazon

     

    "It could easily be a dark subject but Carney lightens it with humour, a cast of both loving and eccentric characters, and a storyline that has you barracking for the good guys to take down the bad guys. It's easy to find yourself immersed in Carney's scenes and imagine nursing a drink while sitting in the bar where mostly good things happen, or sitting in the oncologist's waiting room amid all the despair." - John Martin

    Ripped Tide - A Daniel O'Dwyer Oak Island Adventure (Oak Island Series Book 1)

    Novel, 2015

    Buy on Amazon

     

    After the death of his fiancée due to medical errors, hospital pharmacist Daniel O’ Dwyer escapes to Oak Island, North Carolina. The only things on his mind are fresh sea air, fresh seafood, Fat Tire Amber Ale, and the avoidance of any type of healthcare institution. But fate and jellyfish draw him back, and reluctantly he agrees to go undercover to combat narcotic drug diversion at nearby Boiling Grove Community Hospital. With minimal assistance from Willie, his socially imbalanced sidekick, Daniel must navigate through dangerous situations and wild characters, including a brawny redneck with a Bob Marley tattoo; a foreign physician with bat-like qualities; and a lackluster Human Resources Director with a penchant for Mai Tais and Ebenezer Scrooge.


    Ripped Tide: A Daniel O’Dwyer Oak Island Adventure is a humorous take on a very serious issue.

     

    Ripped Tide is a 2017 McGrath House Indie Book Award Winner in the Humor Category.

     

    WHAT PEOPLE ARE SAYING

    "Rx, Drugs and Rock n' Roll...a fun, breezy read." - Christy Perry Tuohey, author of “Panther Mountain: Caroline's Story”

     

    "Strong, quirky characters abound... Can’t wait until Daniel O’Dwyer’s next adventure." - John Martin

     

    "Without a hard-boiled detective to lead the way, this whodunit is a refreshing detour from the ordinary and is sure to elicit a few smiles and chuckles along the way. Though I've never been to the North Carolina coast, I often felt quite at home. I look forward to discovering what lurks next in Daniel O'Dwyer's future." - L.F. Falconer

     

    “Laid-back, wisecracking narrator weaves a deftly told mystery on the NC coast.”

    - Bill Cokas, Author of “Ring of Fire

    Pirates for a Day

    2014, Short Story

    Winter in Chicago has been particularly brutal this year and it’s only March. An unlikely band of wannabe Buccaneer misfits decide to exchange cabin fever for beach fever and head south. What follows is a comedic quest for warmth, camaraderie, Spiritus Fermenti, golf and self. A short story by David Moss and Lance Carney

     

    Buy on Amazon

    Fin & Tonic, Talon & Tombstone

    2013, Short Story Collection

    This collection of 13 short stories mixes suspense, science fiction, and horror into a nice cocktail, garnished with occasional humor. An Apothecary werewolf tries desperately to find a cure; hellhounds invade the old west; Physicians and Biotechnology Engineers Gone Wild; monsters in Memphis and on your windowsill; icy terror for Arctic explorers; the pizza man and an alien meet their match.

     

    Buy On Amazon

  • Press

    Articles, Q&A's, and More!

    Carney is interviewed about his new book, Of Vamps and Vampiros and about his life and plugged punctum.

    November 2017 - Your Laugh Line

    Ripped Tide selected.

    July 2016 - The Honest Apothecary

    Carney is interviewed about his new book and about his work as a pharmacist and an author.

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